Ode to Lost Friendships

How to Be Kind and Still Move On

Maylan Halverson, Staff Writer

Friendship is an important part of everyone’s lives. But that doesn’t mean it always works out the way you want. Sometimes, friendships don’t stick, and that can be hard.
If you have stopped being friends with someone, then there are multiple paths of action you can take. You can be sad about it forever, get mad, try and reform the friendship, or move on. Getting sad or angry about it isn’t going to make it better. It’ll just make it worse. So the latter two options are definitely better.
Reforming friendships can be hard, especially if you stopped being friends over a big fight or misunderstanding. There are some things you can do, however.
1- Apologize. Even if you think you were in the right, apologizing is always better than just letting the fight sit and stew. Apologizing can help the other person feel like you care about them and their feelings, and a lot of the time they will apologize back as well.
2- Think/talk about it. Sometimes reforming friendships is like a puzzle, and you need to think about all the pieces to make the big picture. Talking about it or really thinking about it can help you figure out if it would be best to reform the friendship or move on.
3- See how they feel. If they are willing to talk to you, then try and see if they still want to be friends. If they don’t, then it’s time to move on. If you aren’t comfortable talking about it with them, then it’s okay not to.
4- Don’t make it a bigger deal than it needs to be. Making the lost friendship a big deal, as in overthinking it, can make you feel worse than before. Try to keep living your life the way you always did, and see how it plays out.

Moving on from a friendship is sometimes harder than reforming it. It means not being friends with that person anymore, and the relationship you used to have is just gone. Here are some things that may help you with moving on.
1- Don’t blame them for the whole thing. If you did anything to make the friendship end, then take responsibility. It takes two to argue, so if that’s why it ended, you probably did something to upset them, too. Don’t make the whole thing “their fault.” You probably will just end up being mad at them for a long time. Don’t take all the blame yourself, either. If they had a part, acknowledge that, and don’t make it out to be completely your fault.
2- Don’t make it a big deal. Just like with reforming the friendship, if you focus too much on how you’re not going to be friends with them anymore, it will make moving on a lot harder.
3- Treat them like a normal person. Don’t label them as your “ex-friend.” They’re just another person, so treat them like that. Don’t ignore them or be mean to them just because of what you used to be. If you would play a card game with a normal person, play with them. If you would ask a normal person a question, ask them. Just act like you would with people who aren’t your “ex-friends.”
Hopefully, these tips will help you with what you’re going through. If not, ask someone you trust to help you out. If you find something that works for you, then do it. Good luck!