This past year has been a whirlwind. Just two weeks into the school year, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. When the doctors told me, even though I never showed it, I was absolutely terrified. My life was turned upside down and I had no idea what was to come. Over the next few weeks tests were run and questions were resolved.  I spoke with a team of doctors who designed a treatment plan for me. The next step was the one I dreaded most – chemotherapy. 

Cancer was not a journey that I expected to go on, especially my senior year of high school. Some see me and might think that what I went through wasn’t difficult because of the smile I have. What they don’t see is my bad days. The days where I didn’t have the strength to get out of bed. The days where all I could do was keep down a few bites of food. The days where I wasn’t happy with God or my situation or anything. They don’t know the tears, the nausea, the weight loss, the hair loss, the sores throughout my body. People only see my on my good days. I hide the ugly from the world. All the scars and bumps.

Something I have learned is that fighting cancer is a different battle every day. Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. It’s alright to feel bit broken. It’s okay to not be okay. Even when I didn’t want to talk to God, He heard me. He knew exactly what I was feeling, and He loved me still. 

Cancer is hard. Life is hard. But life is also beautiful. Sometimes the happiest moments come after the worst ones. I remember driving home from the hospital one day with tears streaming down my face. I was so happy. All I could think was “How can anyone be sad in such a beautiful world?” 

Every day of this journey has taught me that happiness has less to do with the circumstances of your life and more to do with the focus of your life. Even with so much pain, I have felt so much joy. I learned to be grateful for the little things, like when I get to run outside in my bare feet. I’m grateful for the wind and the chill in the air that turns my nose pink and my cheeks all rose red. I am grateful for my amazing friends and family that have supported me through everything. 

Most importantly, I have learned that the Lord is my rock, and I shall not fail. He has supported me through every whirlwind, carried me through every storm. God stands by me, and I will forever stand by Him. Cancer might knock me down for a bit, but when I can’t stand, Christ holds me up. When I can’t smile, He cries with me. Cancer has done one thing for me. It made me realize that Christ is my best friend. I never need to worry because He has me in His arms.